A Day in the Life: Facebook and me

Between writing new reviews, moving the old reviews over here, taking road trips, and keeping up with Netflix Quikster movies, I just haven’t been able to do the personal stuff.  I guess you could argue that the Road Trip articles are partially personal stuff but that’s kind of a stretch. So I’ve decided that today is the day, and I’ll do it by way of writing some stuff regarding Facebook.  It’s actually stuff I’ve thought about for quite a while now, but today is the day I finally have the time.

Just as a page on My Space once seemed to be an internet requirement, the same thing can now be said of Facebook.   This especially holds true if you have a blog such as this one, a web site, if you’re a celebrity, if you’re promoting a new movie, book, music album, television show or anything else under the sun you can think of to plaster on your page. 

I don’t know how long I’ve had a personal Facebook page but it’s been quite a while.  Like most users, my page was simply a way to keep up with all my family members and friends who are spread out across the country.  It also enabled me to meet up with those that I’d lost touch with over the years. 

So when I began my blog rejuvenation, I decided to try once again to associate a Facebook page with it, and yes, that is a screenshot of it as if you really needed me to tell you that.  You can also get there by using that little facebook button on the upper right on this blog that nobody pays attention to. 

As you can see, I have 19 likes on there. Not even a spit in a ten gallon bucket.   Most of those likes were gathered when I had a mini recruitment among family members and friends asking for support.  Before that the page was mostly ignored.  Of the 19 people who like there are probably fifteen or more whom still ignore it.  But  I appreciate the help anyway.   I’ve had exactly zilch come from curious readers of this blog but that’s to be expected considering this rejuvenation is in its infancy.  Then again, it may always be that way.

The  real purpose of the Facebook  page is to post links to stuff I  write on this blog  to let people know when there’s a new article, and secondly, to post articles and stories that interest me from around the web hoping they will interest someone else as well and they’ll offer up a comment or two for discussion.  It’s the cut and paste stuff that I used to do here on a regular basis, so the page serves to satisfy that need.  I generally got no response to those here, and for the most part, the same kind of result there.

But no politics.  Most of the people I know or are related to hate politics, and some of the others just hate my particular brand of politics.  And some of them hate that I’m more knowledgeable about these matters than they are, and it goes without saying which group they belong to.

I do  have a Facebook page for the political stuff  as well, not to mention a blog that goes with it.  I seldom write on either anymore for reasons we won’t go into right now although I did post a link on the Facebook verision this week. When I get  a chance, I’ll write something as to why I don’t write anything about the political scene anymore.  But until that day,  here’s a screen shot anyway.

The real reason I’m writing this article,  is that I find most of the stuff people post on their Facebook page  to be an uninteresting snoozefest, simply because it has become too much of the same old same old.  It’s like reading someone else’s text messages, and just as boring unless you’re Scarlett Johansson sending out a self portrait.  They are immensely interested in what they are finger typing, I’m not.  If you’re thought process doesn’t go beyond twenty five words or less, than  what’s the point?

You’ve heard of the old saying to never discuss politics or religion at a family get together?  I’m of a mind that everybody should discuss politics, and religion too if you think you and God and your politics  can handle a little criticism now and then.  I’ll even discuss movies and the entertainment industry as long as you’ve got something worthwhile to  say.  Just say something, anything, I don’t care what.  But don’t tell me your Aunt Jenny has hemorrhoids because I don’t give a shit.  Get her a an inner tube to sit on and then  send me an email or call me on my cell phone to relate the sorrowful news.  Or do like I would do.  Write an in depth article on the people who used to do the Preperation H Commercials and see how it’s working out for them.

 

I guess people are afraid to expose themselves in that manner, probably because internet trollery is and of itself a new art form and they don’t want to deal with it.  And maybe they don’t want any hard feelings among family members.  I know I’ve pissed off more than a few of them, but I’m way too old to really lose any sleep over it.  And yeah, they’ve pissed me off on occasion but I don’t lose any sleep over that either.  When I abandoned my old facebook page for the current one, about half of my “friends” and some relatives said screw you, we want no part of your sorry ass.  At least I kind of imagine them saying it and it makes me laugh.

If you’re like one family member I have, and you turn out to be a racist, homophobic, senile old pig, I’m going to say so and then I’m going to cut you off and leave the rest of the family to cuddle up and coddle to your bigoted ass because somehow they had the misfortune to be related to you and feel they just have to put up with you because you’re blood thus overlooking your major shortcomings.   I don’t.

But this blog is not much different.  Most of my family, relatives, and friends, seldom visit.  Correction, have never visited it.  I do have one brother who was a regular reader before his computer blew up on him, and he’s read just about everything I’ve ever posted including this story that I have yet to make a decision about what to do with that no one else has read since I removed it from it’s original location.   I would love to do a major rewrite on it, to disassociate it with the restrictions I had in order to get the thing put on the web in the first place.  But where do I find the time?  I’m pushing the envelope now  as to what I’m capable of doing..

The same brother has a blog as well, but hasn’t post it on it recently because of  the aforementioned computer problem.  More importantly  he is dealing with his wife’s reoccurrence of cancer, which emotionally and financially is a huge drain.  So he probably won’t be making a return anytime soon. 

But boy, how I miss his input on here.  As for his blog banner, I designed it for him and it’s some of the best work I’ve done.  And that is his wife with him on the right hand side.  The thing is, even when he was keeping his blog up on a regular basis, it was mostly ignored by family members as well.  It’s something we would talk about on occasion.  We should be interested in their lives, while they ignore our interests.

I have another brother who has visited on occasion, but if anybody else has they have never let me know about it.  I take that back.  A cousin in Florida finally made it here when I pointed out something to her I’d written but I’m not sure if she’s been back. 

There is also an ex-girlfriend from years ago  that I met up with on Facebook  who is now just  a friend  and she  reads rather regularly and I appreciate that.  What makes that odd is that my my current girlfriend that I write about never does unless I drag her to the computer screen kicking and screaming.  

On the plus side, I can write what I want about The Girlfriend, confident in the knowledge that she’ll never read it. Write more than one paragraph, and she’s lost. Not that I would write anything bad mind you, but like most comediennes do, I have a tendency to exaggerate the eccentric, as I just did and I’m not sure she’ll get the joke.

Everybody else is googling for sex pictures of Jennifer Ringsley, then getting ticked off when as far as this blog goes, they are coming up empty.  I’ve thought about shitcanning that article, but then I’d lose the great majority of my so called readership.  And I guess some readership is better than no readership at all, whatever perverted reasons people may have.

But the same can pretty much be said of the Honorable Sons I’ve written about from time to time, including the one that lives with me. When I tell him I’ve posted something new on here and ask if he’s read it, he makes a face and says he’ll get to it. And he will for the most part, but I’m positive he wouldn’t do it otherwise.

 He has a blog as well, that he’s given up on.  He now has cash, and cash means Paystation 3 and X-Box and PSP and everything that goes along with it.  When he first arrived here, I was going to have him offer his take on some of the movies I reviewed, and he seemed eager to do so.  In fact, as you will see when I repost a few, he did.  But now, it’s bothersome for him to even watch most of them.

But that makes him no different than the majority of people who think blogging is a good idea, then either get bored with it or find out it’s a lot more time consuming than they thought it would be.  I myself gave it up, but not for any of those reasons.  It was a decision that was forced on me, and one I resent to this day. 

My heart is in my writing, much in the same way that my sons is in his PlayStation, my cousin’s is in fishing, and my great-niece’s is in her religion.  So you either really want to write, or you don’t.  If you go at this half-heartedly, you’ll fail.  My other point is that  if you’re writing a blog, don’t expect family to flock to it and tell you what a great writer you are.  They won’t. And if you write more than one sentence at a time on Facebook, they’ll pretty much ignore that as well.  On the other hand, your chances of gaining any readership are non existent unless you’re an exceptional writer and even that’s no guarantee.  There are, millions and millions of blogs out there in internet land, and yours is just a microscopic particle in a vast universe.

When I restarted the blog up, I said it was better not to be read by the whole wide world than have people you know ignore it.  And I meant every word of  it.  I made this statement after having tried  some stuff out on my Facebook page in a feeble attempt to make it my blog.   Some of the people I know  may have commented on some of the things once or twice and that’s about it.  But they have their lives and I have mine, and if the two somehow aren’t simpatico, then that’s just the way it is.  This is nothing really new,  and it’s something I found out years ago.  I just thought on Facebook it would be different.  It wasn’t.

My facebook page now is a means to an end.  I’m really only interested in what is posted on Clyde’s Stuff Facebook page, even though so far I’m the only one who has posted anything although just about any person can do so.  I made Honorable Son Number 3 an administrator, and even he has posted nothing.  Not the first paragraph, or even a link.

Don’t get any ideas about trolling though.  I still can boot off any article or any comment that doesn’t fit.  But it is a good way to keep track of what’s going on here as well if you spend a lot of time there.  As for your Aunt Jenny, I’ve only got one question:  How’s those hemorrhoids treating you?

Clyde’s Movie Palace: To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)

 

 

Starring
Gregory Peck
Brock Peters
Collin Wilcox
Mary Badham
Phillip Alford
Robert Duvall
William Windom
Estelle Evans
Rosemary Murphy
James Anderson

Directed by
Robert Mulligan
Based on the Pulitzer Prize Winning  Novel
by
Harper Lee

* * * * *

Macon was a tired old town even in 1932 when I first knew it. Somehow it was hotter then. Men’s stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon, after their three o’clock nap and by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum. The day was 24 hours long but it seemed longer. There was no hurry because there was no where to go and nothing to buy and no money to buy it with although Macon County had recently been told that there was nothing to fear but fear itself. That summer I was six years old.

* * * * *

I distinctly remember that the first time I saw To Kill A Mockingbird was at a drive-in theater. I was probably about ten or eleven at the time but I can’t be sure. Even at a young age I was captivated by this seemingly simple story told through the eyes of children making it possible for the film to draw even younger viewers such as myself into it’s world.   

Perhaps I was also  drawn to it because a good deal of the story was about a very scary fellow by the name of  Boo Radley, who was a mysterious and eerie presence even throughout the film even though he isn’t even seen on screen until the very end. I'm not about to make the pretense that I understood much of the social significance of To Kill A Mockingbird at that age. How many children would unless it was a topic of discussion at home with their parents or at school with their teachers?  I did not have the advantage of either one of those scenarios.   My deep and never ending devotion towards the book and the film, was encased inside me after  repeated viewings.  It is a film I never tire of.

One of the things that makes To Kill A Mockingbird a great film is the love and respect everyone involved in bringing Harper Lee's novel to the screen had for the original source material. It shows  in every second of running time and in every single frame.  Each performance in this film is perfect.

Gregory Peck certainly  had many fine performances over his long and  storied career, but never again reached depth of humanity that he brought to his portrayal of Atticus Finch.   Is it no wonder that his was one of the most deserving Oscars ever awarded, and that his portrayal of Atticus is more than validated by being named the Number One Hero  in American Cinema by the AFI.

As Atticus, Peck’s love for Jem and Scout enables him to treat his children with respect and honesty. He never talks down to them, but approaches them on a level in which children of their age can comprehend enabling them to learn from his own years of wisdom. He doesn’t preach to them, he shows, he explains, and with every lesson there is sometimes a story or a parable.  There is an early moment in the film in which Atticus is reading to Scout that in just a few brief moments lays bare everything you need to know about his relationship with this children.

Atticus is also a man who believes in the integrity of justice, yet recognizes the failings of our judicial system. When called upon to do his duty, he does so, despite the hatred and venom he knows is going to be brought to bear upon his family by the citizens of the town in which he resides.

Because he puts justice, fairness, and values ahead of his own well being and safety, we know he is a man of great moral principle with a sense of honor and duty. When he is told he has been appointed to defend the Negro, Tom Robinson, he agrees to do so almost reluctantly.  Not because it isn’t the right thing to do, but because it is a job he would rather not have to do.  Atticus knows that in a more perfect world, the Tom Robinsons of the world who are so obviously innocent, would never be brought to trial in the first place.

In casting Jem, Scout and Dill, Producer Alan J. Pakula and Director Robert Mulligan faced a daunting task. So much of the success of To Kill A Mockingbird depended on the pivotal role these actors would play in the film.

For Jem he chose Philip Alford, for Scout, Mary Badham, and for Dill, John Megna. Alford and Badham were both southern natives who had never been in films before. Megna was a New York native but was also inexperienced. It is this inexperience and lack of polish that enables all three to shine. Mulligan began filming by letting them act as if making a film was like recess, allowing them to play on the set, and only moving the camera gradually as they became accustomed to their surroundings. It paid off in every way imaginable. None of the three ever appear as if they are actors acting, and bring a childlike wonder and presence to their roles that I had never seen before, and have not witnessed to the same degree at any time since. This may have been the best casting of children in any film ever.

Brock Peters as Tom Robinson, the black man falsely accused of raping a white girl, also gives a performance which he would never again surpass. You will not find anywhere a more memorable scene in any court room than when he testifies on the witness stand. Because he dared to care about a white girl, he now faces almost certain death if convicted, and perhaps even if not convicted there is still the danger of lynching, something that almost happens before he even makes it to trial.

It is the first time I was able to begin to understand the effects of man's prejudice and hatred of a man simply because of the color of his skin. Just as Jem and Scout came of age, and realized the significance of the injustices of racial hatred, so did I.

Equally significant, is Collin Wilcox as Mayella Ewell. She makes it easy for many to despise her, and such hatred is a natural reaction. But the more we view the film the more we become like Atticus and see in her a person to be more pitied than hated.

She is a product of not only the times in which she lives, but even more so of her wretched upbringing. But understanding that, it by no means excuses it, as even to this day there are those who spread the seeds of racism as if it were an Ebola virus.

Mayella is a victim of an endless cycle of poverty, ignorance, and racism. But ignorance and racism is not the sole province of the poor.  Even to this day it is a tool of a political party to control those who wallow in their dreams of white privilege in order to maintain political power.

Mayella is what she is, but only because of the deep cutting prejudices of those around her. It is Mayella’s heritage that makes her what she is, a heritage that is passed on from one generation, to the the next and every generation thereafter.

To Mayella, being caught enticing a black man into your house for relations  is the ultimate crime and the penalty for doing so is unthinkable.

Is it no wonder that even after this film, the it took the Supreme Court until 1968 to outlaw the final vestiges of state ignorance which continue to have statutes outlawing marriage between different races?

In his screen debut as Boo Radley, Robert Duvall also brings to life the mysterious neighbor that once frightened Jem, Dill, and Scout so much. Though on the screen for a short length of time, without uttering a word, Duvall shows us a man tortured by years of cruelty, mistreatment, and the gossip and whispers of neighbors. He is a man who wants only to live in his own way and to be left alone, yet the bond that links him to Jem and Scout is significant. They are the childhood he had never really known. Just as Tom Robinson, he has never brought harm to anyone, yet suffers  just for the right to be able to exist.

 

Estelle Evans as the Finch’s housekeeper Calpurnia brings a no nonsense approach to the role. She may be the maid, but she’s as much a part of the Finch household as if she were a member of the family and the children respect her for it. When Scout begins to question Walter Cunningham’s (Steve Condit) strange use of maple syrup, Cal yanks Scout into the Kitchen and promptly reads her the riot act.

Yet, when Atticus drives her home it is required that she ride in the back seat of the car. One can imagine the trouble that would be stirred up in a Southern town in the 30’s if a black woman was seen riding in a car sitting next to a white man.
 

There is not too many villains in any film that are more despicable than James Anderson as Bob Ewell.  For him, we have no pity. We feel only utter contempt from the first time that we meet him. He has no redeeming qualities to speak of. In the wrong hands, the character might have been played overly broad or way over the top, but Anderson avoids that trap by letting us know that not only is Ewell no better than human feces, he could also very well be the guy across the street, the guy who comes into your store every day, the guy who comes stumbling out of the liquor store in a drunken stupor.  He is just as mean and dangerous drunk as he is sober.

The care with which To Kill A Mockingbird was brought to the screen can also be seen in the Art Direction by Henry Bumstead and Set Decoration by Oliver Emert. They bring to life the look and feel of a  small Southern Town to such a degree, that we are easily transported to a time and place of a bygone era.

Cinematographer Russel Harlan's black and white photography brings it all vividly to the screen, especially in the way he captures the foreboding of the Radley house, the moments when Bob Ewell approaches Jem when he is left in a car alone, and even more noteworthy near the end of the film when Jem and Scout are walking home from a school play.

If it had been filmed in color, this film would have lost much of its sense of time, setting and mood.

Elmer Bernstein's score is never boisterous, but is as important to setting the mood of many of the scenes played out before us. For the most part he keeps it simple, only swelling the orchestra when it is absolutely necessary, generally when there is danger afoot.  He is one of the great film composers of all time.  His list of composing credits is almost endless, but this one will remain one of the most memorable.

Elmer Bernstein’s To Kill A Mockingbird Score. One of the most appropriate scores ever written.

There have been many eloquent words written over the years about both the novel and the film adaptation of To Kill A Mockingbird. It will be forever remembered, long after I am gone, and long after I am writing my reviews in that great movie palace in the sky. There is no doubt in my mind that To Kill A Mockingbird has been and shall remain one of the great achievements in American cinema and literature in my lifetime, and shall remain so for many lifetimes to come. A remarkable film in every sense of the word. My only regret is that the powerful lessons it brought to the screen in 1962, are still ignored to a great over 50 years later.  A+

* * * * *

Neighbors bring food with death, and flowers with sickness, and little things in between. Boo was our neighbor. He gave us two soap dolls, a broken watch and chain, a knife, and our lives. One time Atticus said you never really knew a man until you stood in his shoes and walked around in them; just standin' on the Radley porch was enough. The summer that had begun so long ago had ended, and another summer had taken its place, and a fall, and Boo Radley had come out. I was to think of these days many times. Of Jem, and Dill, and Boo Radley, and Tom Robinson, and Atticus. He would be in Jem's room all night, and he would be there when Jem waked up in the morning.

May I Have the Qwikster Envelope Please: Conan The Barbarian, Conan The Destroyer, Hey, Boo-Harper Lee and To Kill A Mockingbird

 

After previously having spent some time with the Great Doris Day, I decided I was due for a change of pace.  I’ll get back to Doris eventually, because she made much better films than the ones from Netlix that I have previously reviewed.  But these three movies are about as far removed from Doris as it can get.  Let’s get busy.

It wasn’t easy for me to revisit this film.  I had to put up with Arnold as Governor for over seven years, and it’s very tempting to get political.  But we all know he was a shit governor so I’ll just skip all that stuff.  If I can separate John Wayne’s politics from his acting profession, I guess I can do the same for The Turdinator…..oops I mean the Governator. 

I hadn’t seen Conan The Barbarian since it’s initial release, and remembered very little about it except for the opening sequence when the young Conan’s parents are killed by Darth Vader  Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), including having his mother’s head chopped off while she was still holding young Conan’s hand.  Conan survives the attack and is forced into slavery, becoming a big and strong World Body Building Champion by walking around in a circle pushing some sort of rock grinder called the Wheel of Fortune Wheel of Doom. I ‘m not really sure what they were grinding by walking around like a kiddy pony ride at the carnival, but it’s minutiae  and doesn’t matter anyway.   At least their owners weren’t selling tickets to little brats wanting to ride them and piss on their saddles.

Eventually after proving himself a worthy fighter in the arenas Conan is freed.  It’s a damn good thing his name wasn’t Lassie and his owner wasn’t Michael Vick.  If it was the movie would have been over before it began.

Conan then begins his quest to avenge his parents death.  In short order Conan does the nasty with a witch in a scene that can only be seen to be disbelieved, befriends a thief named Subotai (Gerry Lopez) for comic relief, hooks up with statuesque warrior Valeria (Sandahl Bergman) who becomes his main squeeze, and befriends The Wizard Akiro (Mako) who also happens to be the narrator.  You’ll always know when Akiro is about to perform magic.  He makes this sound like someone who’s constipated is trying to take a dump. 

Later they are caught stealing some jewels, celebrate by opening up a keg of Miller Lite, and then are captured in their drunken stupid stupor by some king who wants them to rescue his daughter who has joined Doom’s snake cult.  Arnold says yea, everybody else says nay, Arnold says screw you I’ll do it myself, and then proceeds to screw things up as if he were already governor of California.  Later he’ll make a return trip to Darth Vader’s Death Star Thulsa Doom’s Kingdom with his buddies and the love of his life Maria Shriver Valeria, who suffers a worst fate than even Arnold’s future wife who at least will be very rich for a very long time.  Oh wait, she already was rich.  Never mind.

This may have been, as the envelope says, Arnold’s breakout role, but at least the screenwriters and director knew enough not to have him speak anymore than once every three or four scenes.  So other than grunting, my guess is that Arnold only had about two pages of dialogue to cram before shooting.  But at least he didn’t have his voice dubbed as they did to poor Subotai. 

But Arnold doesn’t act much here.  He simply grunts, swings his sword, and flexes his muscle.  Sort of like the things he did when he was Governor of California, except for the sword swinging part.  Well, I take that back.  He was swinging a sword alright and it wasn’t with Maria. 

The early part of this movie is slow going.  I fell asleep the first couple of times I tried to watch it but it helped when I began resuming the movie from where I left off instead of going back to the beginning. It doesn’t really pick up until they steal the jewelry in the snake tower which in turns leads Conan to his trifecta of confrontation with Thulsa Doom.  I pretty much stayed awake from that point on.

Like I said, it had been years since I’d seen the film, but I sure didn’t recall this much sex, gore, blood, and violence.  This is supposed to be a restored unrated disc, but I don’t know how much was in the original film and how much was not since I have nothing to compare it to.  So if that’s your cup of tea, or should I say your bloody cup of tea, then have at it.  As for myself, I’d rather dwell on  some good sex and nudity, any time, especially when Arnold is rolling in the hay with weird ass witches and Sandahl Bergman whom has a body to die for.   I won’t even mention the orgy scene except to mention it.  And before I forget, let me just say that Basil Poledouris’s score in this movie is a major asset, and really complements what is on the screen. 

So what’s the score?  On the plus side of the ledger we have blood, gore, lots of female nudity, Arnold keeps his mouth shut and shows off his gleaming muscles. James Earl Jones as Darth Vader Thulsa Doom, Sandahl Bergman, Basil’s music, and some extras on the disc I didn’t have time to watch.  On the minus side of the ledger, very slow first half until we get to the good stuff, too much Arnold flexing his muscles instead of bedding Bergman, an ending which seems to be a bit too easy but I can’t tell you about because it’ll spoil the film, killing off a character who would have been good in a sequel (can’t say which one) and a sidekick named Subotai who is supposed to be funny but isn’t.  Summing it all up I have no choice to give the film an F Oh crap, that was his governor score.  The film gets a B-, as it is entertaining and worth watching.  As for the sequel, read on, with the warning that the plot has something to do with the demise of the aforementioned character so if you don’t want that bit of fun spoiled for you, stop now.

Call me a glutton for punishment, but I decided to go ahead and revisit this sequel to the original Conan as well.  The reason I decided on these two movies was so that I would have something to reference if I ever watch the new version that just tanked at the box office.  And if I had known that film would perform below low expectations, I wouldn’t have bothered with these.

It had been years since I had seen the original or it’s widely acclaimed sequel.  But I did remember a few things about it such as the fact that they were on some kind of a quest that involved a young Princess, that Wilt Chamberlin was around looking for his basketball, and that Grace Jones really freaked me out.

The plot, such as it is, involves Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas, who had worn out her welcome as Ursa in the first two Superman movies) bartering with Conan.  She’ll bring his beloved Valeria  back to life, and all he has to do is escort her niece Jehna (Oliva D’Abo, before Kevin Arnold was born) to pick up a jewel that only Jehna can pick up, have her take it to get a magic jeweled horn, and then return her back to the Queen who will use the magic of the horn to resurrect Sandahl Bergman, much to my delight….I mean much to Conan’s delight. 

Sounds like a simple enough plan except for the fact that because you and I were graced with functional brains and Conan wasn’t, we know the Queen is just a big bull shitter who is shining Conan on.  Of course we’re privy to information that Conan isn’t thanks to director Fleischer letting us hang around with Taramis after Conan has left the building.  The Queen is sending her humble protector Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlin) along so that as soon as the horn is in hand, Bombaata is supposed to slam dunk Conan and the rest of the gang, then deliver Jehna back to the palace to be sacrificed. Poor Karen Arnold!

Wanting to save money on dubbing costs, the producers replace comedienne Subotai with Malak (Tracey Walter).  He’s not any funnier, the envelope calls him “wacky” when they should just say “wacko,” but unlike Subotai at least he does his own talking.  The Wizard Akiro (Mako) is back grunting longer, louder, and more often.  I guess less violence means more wizardry stuff.  He reenlists after Conan saves him from becoming another tribes lunch.  And you thought times were tough now.  At least we aren’t cannibalizing…..yet.

Having picked up The Wiz, our trepid explorers then come across Zula warrior, or I should say a warrior named Zula, who is trying to fight off a bunch of other warriors while anchored to a tree.  Conan gives her a helping hand by cutting her loose, she beats the crap out of everybody, and then swears her unending devotion to Conan.

Having finished picking up strays, Conan and company finally resume the real business at hand.  Along the way Jehna develops a crush on the big guy, who only has Valeria in his heart. 
Not to mention that at 15 years old, Jehna is major jail bait and there’s some things even Arnold won’t do….as far as we know .   And we learn something else about Conan in this film.  When it comes to breaking mirrors, he’s hell on wheels, and not too bad when it comes to grabbing the bull by the horns to get the job done. 

Let’s be real here.  This movie is not very good and some scenes are entertaining only because of how goofy the whole thing is.  The big joke with Malak is that he tries to be a coward but always decides it’s better to go along than to be left alone to fend for himself.  It’s not funny, and I have nothing against Tracey Walter, but this character is just annoying as hell.  I kept hoping he would fall on Conan’s Sword or that Zula would beat him to death with her tail.

Arnold does a lot more talking in this movie, showing that a good vocal coach will go a long way if you’ve got the money to pay for one.  By the time Arnold made Kindergarten Cop, he was even teaching the language to adolescents, although he still has trouble saying tumor. 

Problem is though that these films are better when there’s less talk and more action, and since this film was watered down to a PG rating, there is less blood flow, beheadings, maiming, or the usual stuff of that nature.  As far as sex and nudity is concerned, the film is more sterile than a Grey’s Anatomy operating room.  The sex amounts to one kiss that Jehna plants on Conan.  The men characters do have these big jock strap like things on so at least women folk, and some men folk I guess, can watch and drool over what they might be hiding.  And we do get to see a brief shot of Grace Jone’s ass when her racoon tail slips a few times.  Frankly, I was hoping she’d put some clothes on. 

Yeah, I know that’s sexist, but can she even compare to Sandahl Bergman’s Valeria?  Putting lust aside, I found Jones to be one of the few entertaining aspects of the film  The following year she would then time transport  the same character to the 20th century to hook up with James Bond in Live and Let Die.  And no, he doesn’t bed her either.

As for D’abo, she’s stunningly beautiful to look at.  Or maybe it just seemed that way when she was in a scene with Grace Jones.  But this is way early in her career and she has three acting modes:  Pout 1, Pout 2, and Pout 3.  But thankfully, she would get better as the years went by and the acting credits began to pile up.

And at least she can pout.  Wilt Chamberlin can’t even pout, nor are his grunts as imaginative as Arnold’s.  But he does tall very well.  He makes Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s turn in Airplane seem like Shakespearean stuff by way of comparison.

The bottom line is that stacked up against the original, or even not comparing it to anything, this movie is just not that good.  So let’s add up the score:  On the plus side of the ledger we have a lot of unintended campy humor, D’abo’s mesmerizing beauty, Grace Jones weirdly far out character, a rehash of the original score, and Arnold’s speech lessons begin to take hold.  On the minus side, we have intended humor that isn’t funny, D’abo pouts, Tracey Walter’s Malak will get on your nerves, Wizard Akiro grunts even more, Arnold attacking mirrors, no gore, no blood, no sex (in a movie like this, almost a necessity), and Wilt Chamberlin wishing there was a basketball court nearby.  So putting all that on my movie scale, I have no choice but to give Conan The Destroyer a D+.

I waited over two months to see this one.  I really need to write an article about Netflix’s Qwikster’s  recent fail and how they seem to be forgetting what got them where they are today.  I expect that someday, if I were to keep writing these reviews, that there won’t be any envelopes left to write about as one Netflix Qwickster big shot recently suggested.

The reason I wanted this documentary is that besides being one of my favorite books of all time, To Kill A Mockingbird would easily be in my top five favorite films list.  So naturally I would be drawn to anything having to do with the title, the movie, or Harper Lee. 

This documentary is more of a homage than an attempt to bring anything earth shattering to the table.  When it comes to To Kill A Mockingbird, the task of an in depth study is made extremely difficult by Harper Lee’s refusal to do any interviews.  She flat out shuns publicity, and if you try knocking on her door it’ll be quickly slammed shut.  You’ve heard of going straight to the horse’s mouth.  Well, this horse isn’t Mr. Ed so she’s not talking.

But Director/Writer/Producer Mary Murphy does have some celebrities on hand to tell their stories of  why the book and the film meant so much to them, and why Lee’s Pulitzer Prize winning novel was so groundbreaking in the first place.  They run the gamut from Oprah Winfrey to Tom Brokaw.  Mary Badham, who played Scout in the film version is here as well, to offer some incite into the making of the film and of her character Scout and it’s always nice to meet up with her again.  A few of the participants read passages from the book, as a way to explain why Mockingbird left such a lasting impression on them.  And there are a few old friends of Lee’s here to tell us what she is really like as a person, and that although she shuns the limelight, she is hardly a recluse.

Also interviewed is Lee’s sister, Alice Finch Lee, who is in her late nineties.  That alone makes this documentary worthwhile.  I would also recommend you read this article about Harper Lee’s recent travels and the fact that she will pop out of seclusion just as a turtle might pop out of his shell to check for danger.  Just stay off her porch.

One of the more interesting observations was the one in which each of the the characters had real life counterparts.  At some point, it is claimed that the character Harper based on herself in the book is not Scout, but Boo Radley, simply because she had written the novel, then had shunned the publicity as what happened to Boo Radley.  The silly accusation that Truman Capote co-wrote the book is answered to here as well, and that rumor is put to rest rather easily.

One of the best stories is how she was given time off by her employers and friends at the time to write the book, how it was rejected by other publishers until finally being picked up by Lippincott.  She didn’t expect it to sell much, and had already started thinking about her next novel, a book that was never to be.  Mockingbird has sold over 30 million copies to date.

The bottom line is that if the movie and book are as near and dear to your heart as they are to mine, you’ll enjoy viewing this companion piece and the effect Lee’s masterpiece had on so many, and in that respect you’ll often the documentary touching and moving.  And if you’ve just now read the book for the first time or watched the film, you will discover some information here, useful especially if you’re a student.  The documentary is well worth your time but if it is new information that you’re after, you probably won’t find it and in that case I  have no choice but give this look at a classic, a B.